Laziness can kill

I know that being lazy is my nature from a long time ago
it is indeed one of my biggest weaknesses that I can't get rid of
but I have to admit that I didn't really try hard to change this attitude of mine
I mean I have been living with it for so long, it's part of me so...
only if you understand what I'm trying to say

Anyway the problem is I can't be lazy right now
there are loads of things left undone
and they are important
marked that--- IMPORTANT, very important
important enough to ruin my life

But even if I know it's very crucial to get everything started
I'm just not motivated enough, not motivated enough to do anything
arrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
please tell me what to do because laziness can KILL.

Randomness while WAITING

Since I'm waiting for my groupmate to send her part of work to me
why not write something instead of waiting blindly

Been feeling tense lately
it's a hectic week, thousands of deadlines to meet (okay, I'm using hyperbole)
I can really feel the stress and all the tension circulating me
So tiring...

I need to release some of these BAD energy before exploding
I'm like a balloon with too much air and you know what can happen
maybe it's because of that that I became easily provoke and have extremely low EQ

Seriously, I hate to wait and always be the one waiting
I keep on telling myself to be more patient but it's not working recently
I always want to complain and like to complain about almost everything under the sun
I don't like to be that kind of person because nothing is going to change
the earth will not stop spinning just because of me

It's 9.30PM now and I'm still waiting PATIENTLY (at least trying my best to)
how can I stop myself from being angry? I just am not sure how much longer I can hold my temper
No one seems to understand how scary I can get, still testing my patience
but actually patience is exactly the thing that I'm running out of

Sometimes I do think that maybe these people are not the problem, I am.
hoping that this can make me feel better, however, only for seconds then I'm back to reality
disturbing and annoying people are everywhere and they are unavoidable
I think I'll just have to live with it

I shall just stop here and continue to WAIT.

Get to know yourself better

I took a quiz and I thought it's 99.9% accurate=p

My results:

Your view on yourself: Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love: You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

I don't agree with the part that I like to flirt though, apparently I don't=.=

By the way, you can try it too at
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Have fun!!!!!
Cheerios~^^

令人烦躁的老毛病

我已经忘了从哪年的哪一天开始，偏头痛就缠上了我
今天好久不见得老毛病又犯了
早上还算是风光明媚，到了下午却风云变色
哈哈！听起来很夸张，其实一点都不

吃过它的苦头，保证毕生难忘
具体的感觉要尝试过了才会了解
就像是有人在大力地，毫不留情的拉扯着某条脑神经
痛楚一波一波而来，让人连喘气的机会也没有

原以为睡了一觉就会没事
怎知还是要硬吞了两颗止痛药
这下可好，残留在体内的药又多了新的成员
依赖药物真是不可取得行为（小朋友不要学哦，姐姐有练过=.=）

偏头痛就不提了
但刚刚在睡午觉时
梦见了一个奇怪的人，我的意思不是他很奇怪
只是我会梦见他就真的很奇怪了

他是一个我看过的陌生人
最奇怪的是梦境，我就不深入解释了
反正让我很困惑就是了
但还不到困扰。。。会不会是什么启示之类的呢？
嘿嘿！想太多了

我不想想太多~~~~~~
不然头又要痛了
很快的,一天又要结束了
下次再见啰^^

Blog with Guilt

I really really understand how important is the midterm test tomorrow
BUT, I just couldn't concentrate on the words scattering all over the textbook

I know I shouldn't be here now, BLOGGING
However, I can't help it!
I have to keep myself awake and this might be the last resort

For your information, my mind is wandering away to this wonderful place called D'slumberland and here I am trying my best to keep it away from there
It's a sin to stop myself from dozing off naturally, don't you think so? I mean sleeping is normal during this hour. Besides, I can hear my bed calling for me...

So can I just go to sleep and forget about the test?
That would be another SIN, don't you agree?

ENOUGH FIONA! You must stay in focus and study
Stopppppp complaining even though Mr Edwin is definitely MENTAL to make us SUFFER
Hmm.. wait a minute~ did I just said he is a psycho? OOOOPPPPPSSS! I did it again, didn't I?
But hey! what's wrong with being honest, I mean I'm not lying whatsoever. He is indeed a PSYCHO!!!
and there I go AGAIN~

The end of CRAPPING
I better continue with all the reading and memorizing(forcing myself to open the book)
*MISERABLE SMILE* fading slowly into an expressionless face......

By the way, Good Luck Everybody(=

寻找遗失的情感

真的写上瘾了。。。
其实早就知道会这样

没办法，寂寞的人可以向谁倾诉呢？
总不能自私的去打扰别人
想想也只能用这个管道抒发自己久违的情感

我一直尝试着把那个拥有真正的喜怒哀乐的灵魂释放出来
可是好难啊
要找回封闭的自己怎么这么难？
但压抑。。。真的很痛苦
感觉快要窒息了

我想要敞开心房
再次看到有知觉的心
重新面对所有的感受
无论是快乐，悲伤，愤怒
就算是痛不欲生的感觉我也想要再次经历

我想证明自己还是个人
因为我的心已经麻痹了
痛。。。变得很陌生
印象很模糊，像是一种被遗忘掉的记忆

我厌倦了对一切的冷淡
我要真正的笑，放肆的哭，毫无顾忌的大喊
可以吧？我应该办得到的，是吗？

希望我可以再度的坦然面对自己
希望我可以不再逃避，不再害怕受到创伤
希望一切都会变好

我的心。。。离开我了吗？

思念
一个令人又爱又恨的感觉
一种矛盾交织的情绪
有时候让人觉得好感动
有时候却让人感到很心痛
可是人还是往往忍不住去思念
思念种种的一切
深陷在思念的泥沼当中

很奇怪的是， 不知道你们是否察觉到思念是会上瘾的
尤其是思念一个人
思念究竟是什么呢
其实我也不是很懂

它是如此的奇妙也如此的美丽
美丽之中又存在着淡淡的悲伤
是一种说不清楚的感觉
是一种难以理解的幸福
是一种很单纯的喜悦

它可以让你伤心落泪
它也可以让你甜蜜微笑
它可以是一瞬间却也可能是永恒

不管是哭着思念或是笑着思念
思念给我们的感觉是即深刻又真实的
每一个人对思念的定义都不同
有时候会随着时空的变迁而改变
我们应该尝试去找寻一个平衡点
可是世界上很多事情却都是事与原违, 控制不到也逃避不了
其中包含着很多的伤害, 不止伤害自己也伤害别人
对不起已经不足以表达我的歉意我是自私的, 特别是当我停留在醉意与清醒之间
好多事情我都会不想再去掩饰
从而放纵。。。 然后伤害到我从来不想伤害的人
后悔的感觉已经让人觉得麻木

眼泪不知何时很不争气的占据了我的眼睛
面对着结束。。。
心情是冰冷的, 眼泪却是温热的
很空虚。。。

思念会一直延续着
我也会一直等待着
等待。。。却不是等待着他
而是等待忘记思念他的感觉。。。

笔于：3/12/2006

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

那是两年前的我
和现在的我形成了强烈的对比
简直是天壤之别

我觉得我已经快要把自己遗忘了
好像再也看不到那样的自己
这样好吗？

我常常在想。。。
或许是生命里真的缺少了些什么
所有的事情都变得太平淡
平淡的让人害怕

我不会过度的悲伤
也没有特别的快乐
一切都很稀松平常

最近。。。不安的种子慢慢地发芽
很多事情，我无法解释
常常一个人在房间里发呆
脑子里一片空白

是不是我把心封闭到一个连我自己也无法找回的地方？
我太压抑自己了吗？
我真的不知道

但我是真的不知道吗？
又或者是潜意识在逃避
不想面对这样的自己
最后。。。只能伪装

这种感觉一直困扰着我
怎样也摆脱不了

心，在哪里？
回不来了吧。。。

25/07/2009， 凌晨1点14分

an INCREDIBLY SUCKY day

I have to write everything in red because it reflects my emotion now which is none other than ANGER!!!

Of course I know I did mention I'll not update my blog very frequently but today will be d'EXCEPTION.

I mean how SUCKY can my day be? And I thought today is the SUCKIEST day ever in this term.

I'm EXTREMELY PISSED!

Let's begin with me struggling to crawl out of my cosy little bed at 6.30am for the DARN bus when everybody else(in this sense, my so called friends in uni) were still dreaming away.

Apparently classes have been cancelled but nobody bothers to at least inform me by spending 10 cents for a text message.

I reached the EMPTY classroom at 7.30am like an idiot and started texting these people afraid that they'll make the same mistake as me.

Well... It turned out clearly that I was so WRONG!

It's just me and another friend of mine who didn't know about this IMPORTANT notice.

However, she was luckier than me because she was still at her doorstep.

I have become her 'saviour' in a way by stopping her from coming to uni. That's so 'kind' of me, wasn't it?

And so I decided to confront these 'friends' of mine and guess what? One said that I was letting out at her and another one didn't reply at all. How SWEET of them. I mean how sweet can a friend be?

Although they might somehow or rather read my blog but let me tell you this, I don't BLOODY care because they don't give a damn as well.

This is PREPOSTEROUS!!!

I'm off to bed to recuperate~
Goodbye.

故事分享

分享一个在好久好久以前让我觉得很感动的故事

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

当我真正爱上若涵的那一刻起, 我就常常对他说:" 鱼说, 你看不见我眼中的泪, 因为我在水中!" 而他就回笑着拍拍我的脑袋:" 水说, 我能感觉到你在流泪, 因为你在我的心中." 听完这句话, 我就会狠狠的瞪着他, 而他还是用那一脸令我陶醉的笑容对着我" 你应该是快乐的小鱼, 不该有泪, 记住!"
其实, 我也不知道是他第几次拒绝我了, 有时候我好恨自己为什么执迷不悟, 哎! 爱他! 爱他! 还是爱他!
若涵是一个高大英俊的阳光男孩, 有清秀的脸庞, 但最令我着迷的就是那健康的笑容, 可他的手总是那么冷冰冰的, 所以, 我就叫他"冷血动物", 也对, 不然他怎么会对我的一往情深视而不见?
星期天的一大早, 我就趴在阳台上对着他家的窗户大喊:"冷血动物, 起床了!" 我故意把最后的"了"字说得很长, 然后, 只见他怒目圆瞪, 双手叉腰指着我大喊:" 死鱼, 知道了!" 我呵呵的笑着, 做了个鬼脸, 然后匆匆忙忙的拿起两片面包去敲若涵的门, 我早已猜到他开门的表情, 乱蓬蓬的头发, 系错扣的睡衣, 扭曲变形的脸, 尤其是那长大了要骂人的嘴巴, 可怕!!! 我正为我的猜想偷笑着, 忽然门开了, 若涵打着哈欠, 我手中的那两片面包, 说时迟那时快, 就塞到了他的嘴巴里, 呵呵! 万事ok!
他的家就像我的家, 他的父母疼我比疼他多, 尤其是他的东西就像是我的东西, 可以有"借"无还, 呵呵!
突然, 他很神秘的凑近我,"喂! 死鱼, 问你件事?"
"你多大了?"
"16啊!" 我愤愤的看着他, 原来他这么不关心我!
"那我们认识多久了?"
"嗯?" 我沉默 "很久很久了吧!" "是17年!" 他咬牙切齿!
"啊? 我才16呀!" 我疑惑的看着他.
"打你在娘胎, 我就命中注定要被你压迫!" 他斜着眼瞪着我.
"呵呵, 原来如此!" 我笑弯了腰.
每天我们所必须的"功课"就是一起上学, 放学, 开开玩笑, 聊聊天, 偶尔还吵吵架, 这样的日子很美, 很美! 在这样的日子里, 我也喜欢上了若涵! 不过, 他上了大学后, 一切也就变了, 他住校了! 不过, 他会安慰我:"加油! 两年后考到我们学校, 我等你!"
又是"我等你"三个字, 每次他拒绝我时都这么说: 我等你, 我等你! 但为了他, 我还是努力着, 不停的努力着, 我相信总有一天他会接受我的, 我相信!
高三那年, 他突然回来, 呵呵, 原来这个倒霉的家伙病了, 是回来养病的, 我"幸灾乐祸"的去看他, 可是当我看到他苍白的脸, 瘦弱的身体时, 我就忍不住哭了.
"喂, 傻Y头, 哭什么呀?" 他说着用手拭去我的泪, 我握住他的手... 好凉!
"你要快点好, 不然我恨你一辈子!" 我不知该怎么说.
"会的, 放心吧, 死不了的!" 他呵呵的笑着.
大约过了一个月, 他就回学校了, 可脸还是苍白的.
再见到他, 是我捧着录取通知书的时候, 我再也不知道这是第几次义无反顾的对他说:"我喜欢你!" 了, 可是这一次, 他仍说:"我等你!" 只是伸出了他的右手, 在我的眼前晃了晃, 我看见在他右手中指上套了一只小小的戒指, 像是半颗心的样子, "知道这代表什么吗?" 他问.
我摇了摇头, "是心有所属" 他看看我, 笑了.
我恍然抬头, 用不可思议的眼神去观察, 眼前这个忽然变得陌生的若涵, 他好像很幸福! 他心有所属了! 我哭了.
"傻Y头, 你永远是我最爱的小鱼----" 他顿了顿, "小妹妹" 他把我揽进怀, 我挣脱了他的怀抱, 飞快的跑了, 身后只剩下他孤单的身影.
后来, 我一直回避他, 不接他的电话, 不给他开门, 听见他在宿舍窗外喊我, 我会用一个柳丁扔他, 看见他迎面走来, 我会转头就跑.
后来, 他很少找我了, 我努力的平衡自己的心情, 而他努力的学习着, 还用心的交着女朋友.
再后来, 我渐渐想开了, 缘分已定, 也许我们有缘无份吧! 任命吧! 可我是不会放下尊严去跟他讲和的.
我生日的那天, 他突然来了, 再见到他, 我依然会心动, 其实我忘不了他! 其实我还爱着他.... 可是.... 算了......
"有样东西送你" 他说.
我忧郁的接过礼物, 拆开来, 是一只小鱼镶在一个透明的水晶里, 小鱼的脸上挂着两颗晶莹的泪珠, 我一时感动, 哭了.
他以为我想开了, 很开心的样子, 我不希望若涵为难, 只好强装笑颜, 可心里还是酸酸痛痛的.....
他第一次拿着一封淡紫色的信封来找我:" 喂, 大才女, 帮忙看看写的如何!"
"什么啊?" 我疑惑的打开信封.
"是情书啊!" 他呵呵的笑着.
"情书? 你给谁的?" 我恨恨的问.
"当然是我的女朋友啦" 他无视我的感受.
"傻Y头, 你好吗? 真的好喜欢你, 喜欢你爽朗的笑, 喜欢你淘气的样子, 喜欢你淘气的模样........!"
"恶心!" 我暗自骂若涵这封"经典情书".
"怎么样?" 他问 "还好, 不错, 很感人!" 我白了他一眼.
"那就好" 他放心的安慰自己.
"那个女孩真幸福啊, 如果我是她... 我会幸福到死掉的" 我酸酸的对自己说.
之后, 若涵常常拿着这样的信封出现在我的面前. 还总是淡紫色的, 我喜欢的颜色. 该死的! 他有心气我! 看着一封封 "惊天地, 泣鬼神" 的 "经典之作", 我就会想像着一个美若天仙的女孩戴着另外半颗心的戒指依偎在若涵的怀里, 而若涵幸福得快要死掉的样子, 心就莫名的痛......
转眼间.... 一年了, 我还死守着那只水晶鱼, 拒绝身边环绕的"苍蝇".
今晚有流星雨, 若涵突然来找我. "陪我去看流星雨" 他几乎是用命令的语气, 而我并没有拒绝, 隋他去了.
草场上都是一对一对的情侣, 奇怪, 若涵的女朋友呢? 噢, 对了! 她在另一个城市, 这个该死的若涵, 竟拉我做"垫背", 恨死你了! 我暗自骂若涵, 心里很不是滋味.
"快看, 流星雨啊!" 若涵突然很激动的喊.
愣在一旁的我吓了一跳.
"快许愿, 很灵的!" 他说.
"许了什么愿?" 他问, 我笑了笑, 没有回答.
他也笑了, 白净的脸上配着阳光般的笑容... 很好看.
"你长大了, 终于长大了." 他变得深沉 "长大就可以独自面对了" 我不解的望着他.
"知道流星代表这么吗?" 他突然问我.
我看着他, 他也看着我, 然后用右手的食指在我的眉间轻轻的划了一道弧线, "一个结束" 他说.
奇怪! 他的戒指不见了! 难道, 难道他们分手了? 我暗自庆兴着, 希望是真的. 但我却什么也没问.....
"帮我个忙吧" 他突然说, 我点点头.
"帮我收着它" 说着他拿出了一个精致的盒子. "现在不要看, 以后再看" 他把盒子递了过来.
深夜的微风, 有些凉意, 我不禁颤抖, 若涵用外套裹住了我, 我转过身望着他哀愁的脸..... 不禁心疼起来. "若涵, 你怎么了?" 我心里默默的问着自己. 若涵看着我, 欲言又止, 像是想告诉什么似的.
他轻轻的把我纳入怀里, 我不知所措的靠在他的怀里, 泪水不争气的滑落. 死若涵! 臭若涵! 我这么爱你, 为什么你就是不明白? 为什么总在失意的时候才想起我!
他拥着我, 送我回去宿舍.
"进去吧" 他看着我.
"嗯! 再见!" 我依依不舍的转身, 又回头.
他什么也没说, 只是默默的看着我. 这个死若涵, 连"再见"也不说.
"等等!" 他突然叫住我.
我欣喜的回过身.
"这个替我戴着!" 说着他拿出两只戒指套在我的食指上.
我仔细一看, 原来是那颗心... 不, 是两半心.
我默默的伫立在窗前, 只看见一只孤单, 瘦弱的身影消失在夜色中......
再见到若涵竟是在他的葬礼上, 若涵.... 那个优秀的若涵, 那个不爱我的若涵那个我深爱着的若涵.... 竟然死了, 死于血癌!
我不能接受这个荒谬得事实! 但当我亲眼看见若涵微笑沉睡的样子, 眼前一黑, 我的世界一下子什么都没有了, 变得黑暗, 就连我的心也被掏空了.
"若涵一直瞒着你, 其实十年来, 他一直努力让自己在你面前坚强" 这是若涵妈妈的一句话.
我终于明白了, 为什么若涵的脸总是那么苍白.... 为什么若涵的手总是那么的冰冷.... 为什么若涵总是生病.... 为什么若涵不对我说再见.... 原来.... 原来....
在这之后我就病了, 病得几个月不能下床, 病得迷迷糊糊, 病得闭上眼睛就看见若涵的脸, 病得时常在梦中哭醒.
我就此活在回忆里, 那个拥有若涵的回忆里.....
原来我真的失去若涵了, 还不曾拥有就失去了.
今天是我21岁的生日, 若涵离开我已经一年了, 第一次过着没有若涵的生日, 很孤单... 很寂寞.... 看着水晶鱼, 忽然觉得有什么事情忘了做. 我从床下翻出了一个布满灰尘的盒子, 是若涵寄放在我这里的... 我慢慢的打开了那个盒子.....
是那99封淡紫色的"经典情书" 咦? 不对! 是100封... 怎么多了一封呢? 我急忙打开了第100封.....

思琳:
当你看到这封信的时候, 相信也是我在另一个世界最想你的时候, 可爱的女孩, 你已经长大了, 也应该学着坚强, 无论将来如何, 你都不要轻易的哭泣, 知道吗? 我的每一次拒绝都是为了你今天的坚强, 我不想在我离开的时候, 你承受不了, 今生今世, 有你这样的女孩爱我, 已是我最大的幸福, 99封"经典"是为你而写, 因为你是我生命中最经典的女孩, 每一次看到你认真读它们的样子都让我觉得很欣慰, 还有那两只戒指是为你心有所属, 今生我不能等你了, 希望我们还有来生! 来生我一定要你做我的新娘! 一定! 最后只想告诉你.... 我爱你!
"他爱我?" 我跌坐在地上, 泪水模糊了我的视线, "不要! 若涵, 我不要来生, 我只要今生啊!"我紧紧抱住那99封信, 就好像是紧紧的抱住了若涵!
终于.... 我明白了为什么一颗流星代表一个结束. 不! 我要一颗流星代表一个心愿! 忽然, 一颗流星划过夜空, 我默默取下食指上的戒指, 悄悄戴在了无名指上," 若涵, 今生我要做你的新娘... 我等你!" 而夜空下的那只水晶鱼, 依然静静的依偎在水的怀抱中, 两颗晶莹的泪水对流星诉说着一个永恒的爱情故事---

鱼说, 你看不见我眼中的泪, 因为我在水中.
水说, 我能感觉到你眼中的泪, 因为你在我心中........

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

它也感动你了吗?
珍惜你身边的人^^

Just to kick-start

Frankly, my mind is blank now.

I just completed my feature writing and that used up my quota for the day, in fact it's over the quota.

Don't exactly know how or what to blog, there isn't any rules for blogging anyway I supposed.

Argghhhh... can I end here? But it'll make my blog looked stupid like FOREVER.

I'll try, I'll try harder to produce something more in my first blog.

Aha! I think I got a brilliant idea to start off my blog.

Let's talk about CRAP.

I hope you do undestand the meaning of CRAP because I'm officially crapping now and that appears to be the whole purpose for me to have a blog besides stimulating my mind to write something in somewhere or to cultivate writng habits which is very crucial for me as I have realised recently that I really really really need to write more.

You do realised that is a disturbingly long and wordy sentence, don't you?

Well.. to those who wants to write good English, please refrain yourself from doing that because it's NOT good.

I'm doing it only for the mere reason of doing what I cannot do on my written pieces in real life

I have mentioned earlier that I seldom write and all I did was writing assignments and exam papers.

Not writing might sound normal to everybody on earth but it definitely sounds pathetic for those who studied English language.

We are somehow destined to write something with every opportunity that we have and it's a sin for not writing at all.

You must be thinking why is all these related to CRAP but like I said, I'm practically crapping away from the first line to the line that I'm typing now. Enough of the nonsense and welcome to the world of CRAPS!!!