Random Midnight Crap

I am confused. With myself.
Do I care or not care?
All the shit happening in my life.
The work mostly. Students, specifically.

Well sometimes I feel that I really really care, other times, not so.
Isn't that strange?
And I was so disheartened when being criticized by them.
I want to die, not literally, though.
It's just... that moment, it was so horrible.
I gave up. I am not proud of myself but there was nothing much I can do.
I was shut out of their world from the very first day, when I stepped inside the room.
I was never in.

They put all the blame on me.
I am bad-tempered, my lessons are boring and they are teenagers in an international school.
Does that even make sense to you?
If I was stronger, I'd have ask "So?"
But I didn't. and I regretted it.
I am ashamed of doubting myself. Why should I?
They don't care about my feelings.
They don't care about anything besides themselves.
Yes, that is how pathetic they are.

I am a better person.
I can look them in the eye and say " I did not do you wrong."
Can they do the same?
I thought I got over it, apparently not.
It's going to be a scar and it's going to be there forever.
A ghost, haunting me.
A reminder to make me a stronger person, to never let them crumble my confidence.