Guilty Pleasure

I have something to confess.
My latest guilty pleasure.
True Blood.

Well I know what some people been saying.
Sex. Violence. Still sex.
I know. Don't care. Watch it anyway.

The irony is, however, the reluctance of watching it in the first place.
Just one fine day, decided to give it a chance.
There's no return since then.
Addiction would be an understatement.
I am obsessed.
With Eric Northman in particular.

Feelings are stronger when it gets to season 4.
A whole new different Eric.
Amnesia only makes him hotter.
Him being awfully polite is beyond cute.
Innocent and dangerous at the same time.
And did I mention the body that need no further elaboration.
Everything is so overwhelming to me.
In a good way of course.

Now I sound like a psychopath.
Madly in love with a fictitious character.
Revel in something that is not true.
But I am not bothered.
I don't really fancy Alexander Skarsgard if not for the character.
Pretty sure it will pass.
Till then.
Please allow me to stay this way.

To no judgments!

Sudden Urge

It definitely surprises me how I have the visceral urge to write at this hour.
To think that I have absolutely no ideas of what to write.

I've always admired those who can constantly write about anything under the sun.
Not me.
I don't have the flow.
Now, for instance, I'm struggling even to express my own feelings.

For a while I thought I've convinced myself to just accept wherever my life takes me.
Good or bad. Happy or sad.
That is not the case.
I am not contented.
I wanted more.
Happiness. Pure happiness.

It is apparent that happiness can't be bought.
Then how?
Others always say it is very simple to be happy.
Is it true?
So many questions swirling in my mind.
Where are the answers?

There was this incident that happened in the afternoon that kept me wondering.
Am I not supposed to be honest about myself.
Is it not possible for a person to have very few friends and to not be bothered by it at the same time.
Why making such a fuss when it's the truth.
I'm neither putting down myself nor hoping to win myself some sympathy.
This is me.
My circle of friends is small and I know it.
It is certainly not something that I'm ashamed of.
Or should I?
I don't mind having more friends but that didn't happen to me.
Part of me is crying to make lots of friends, other parts are being anti-social.
I strived hard in bringing this disparity into balance.
My mother would know.
I am an introvert in nature.
That's something that I can't change but improve.
So who are you to tell me it's not a good way to sell myself to anyone by telling them the facts.
If that appeared to be a pathetic fact to you, then sorry, you are just not the friend that I needed.

There are too many who judge your life, too less who care.
The world is a better place when we stop judging people's lives.
If I'm willing to make a change, are you?